A couple of months ago a lot of people were talking about Sarah Murdoch on the cover of the Australian Women's Weekly. She asked that the editor use an untouched photograph, saying women should be able to embrace the beauty of ageing. And you know what I was thinking when I saw that cover? It's wonderful to see the natural beauty of the 'older' woman celebrated, but arghhhh, never on my best day could I look like that!
Comparing and 'shoulds' seem to go hand-in-hand
When we put our attention on someone else's extraordinary, we can quickly find ourselves chasing an ideal that's hard to live up to. And that's when the 'shoulds' start to pile up. If Sarah Murdoch can look that fantastic in an untouched photograph then I should make more of an effort to look spectacular whenever I step out of the house. As a runner, I often look at champions like Catherine Freeman, who have achieved so much with their determination and disciple, and think I should, at the very least, run every day. But it's not just the celebrities – so often we are comparing ourselves with our friends and neighbours and colleagues, and more often than not we think we don't measure up.
Have you noticed how the comparisons and 'shoulds' intensify around Christmas?
Like when you have a friend who sends out beautifully personalised family Christmas cards each year, right on time, and you think, 'I should be that organised'. Or when you have someone in the family whose Christmas spread is always Nigella-Lawson-domestic-goddess exquisite and you think, 'I should be making everything from scratch. Of course, the irony is that as much as we admire (and perhaps envy) someone else's achievements, there's no doubt they are themselves playing the comparing game and feeling that they don't measure up.
Your ordinary may be another's extraordinary – and vice versa
Thinking through all this reminds me how easy it is forget that each of us is extraordinary in her own unique way. When we focus on comparing ourselves to somebody else's extraordinary – we lose sight of what makes us special. And that is why the comparing game sucks!
Image by *Saffy*
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