In the Inside Living Savvy series, I’ll be sharing my experience of creating an online lifestyle program for women aspiring to live extraordinary lives. Join me for a peek behind the scenes.
A couple of weeks ago the delightful Rebecca Sparrow quoted me in her equally delightful Sunday Mail column The Way We Live. She had asked for my thoughts on the busy lives we so often find ourselves (especially as women) caught up in, and how we can create boundaries and space in our lives by saying ‘no’ more often. And here’s what she had to say…
Cause you know what? I’m drowning at the moment. I just can’t seem to get through my daily to do-list. And I don’t know about you but the requests just keep coming… My immediate response is, “I’d love to but I really just can’t”. Weirdly, it comes out of my mouth as, “Of course I can.” But when I’m stressed and my life is crazy busy, I’m not a great person to live with… I am my best person when I have less on my plate. I’m happier. Which in turns means I can give more. And instead of doing a half-assed job on a dozen things, I can give proper attention and care to say six. Okay, three.
Saying ‘no’ more often is important – but it’s not the only answer
In the same week I watched as Kitty Walker-McCallister, the character played by Calista Flockhart in the TV show Brothers & Sisters, struggled to keep saying ‘no’ to her secret dream of running for office. In the episode (watch an excerpt from S4, E13 here) she rationalised her decision not to run – referring to her husband Robert’s political career and recent decision to step down to spend more time with her and their son.
We do that… I do that. We say things like ,“I would love to but my kids need me at home”, “what will happen to _______ if I don’t take care of it?”, “my husband has a stressful job and he is away from home”, “the money I need to invest could be better spent on the mortgage”. I wonder whether these reasons mask our true fears… of failure, success, change.
This is what it comes down to: Who is responsible for your life?
We are responsible for living our lives. It is up to us to do what is important to us, to give time to that which is meaningful and fulfilling, to achieve our dreams Later in that same Brothers & Sisters episode, Kitty’s husband Robert asks her to let him be responsible for his decision to step out of politics, just as she must be responsible to make the right decision for her own happiness.
My decision to launch living savvy
When I made the decision to launch living savvy, I considered my children (still young), partner (he works long hours in his business), and my lifestyle. What would I have to give up? What would I have to do? I made some tough choices and decisions:
- I would not complain about the extra work
- I would find a way to make it work alongside the responsibilities I had to fulfil
- I would have to ask for extra help
- I knew that while I was doing this there would be no opportunity to make other choices — like having my husband work from home
I also knew there were other aspects of my life I was unwilling to sacrifice – I still wanted to exercise regularly and I didn’t want to have my little fella in day care any extra days in his last year before school. As a result, I don’t get as much sleep, and I have less down time to spend with friends. That’s the price I’m willing to pay (for now).
There’s no universal rule for when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no’
I think the important thing is to know how you want to live and to make conscious choices. Be aware of what you say ‘yes’ to, and what you say ‘no’ to, and ask yourself why you’re making those choices. Are your decisions creating the life that’s right for you?
Related posts:
- Inside Living Savvy: When you should listen to what everyone is saying
- Inside Living Savvy: How To Launch A Big Project Without Burning Out – Part 1
- Inside Living Savvy: How To Launch A Big Project Without Burning Out – Part 2
- Inside Living Savvy: How I keep going when I’m scared witless
- Inside Living Savvy: What to do when your dreams don’t come fast enough
