When we ask the Living Savvy question, “Who completes me?” we are really asking “Who will I choose to support, encourage and challenge me in my journey to creating a life that is fulfilling and joyful?”
Living savvy is never about assuming that our lives are somehow ‘broken’, or that we are ‘incomplete’ without other people.
However, when we are in this process of fine-tuning the ordinary to live extraordinary, we quickly realise that those around us play a big part in shaping our lives through shared activities, perspectives on the world, values and beliefs.
Women, particularly, draw on the energy of close friendships – we want people to celebrate with us, to share our purpose and dreams, to honestly advise us with our best interest in their hearts. And these meaningful connections with others help us to discover new ideas and experiences, answer the big questions in our lives, and come to know our true selves more deeply.
Exercise 1: Get a clear picture of your current relationships by doing The Circles
The Hopi Indians of North America had a way to make sense of the maze of relationships that make up our lives, believing that people who come into our lives fall into seven circles or tribes. Kerry Armstrong, well known Australian actress has applied some of this Hopi philosophy to create a book that is both practical and lovely, The Circles.
The exercise involves drawing seven concentric circles and then placing the names of the people in your life in one of the circles after asking yourself such questions as:
- How do I feel when this person walks into the room? When they leave?
- Do I hide my real feelings or am I open with them?
- Do they make me feel more or less than I am?
Grab a copy of the book from a library or bookstore to be guided through the process, circle by circle.
Exercise 2: Remember and celebrate good friends
On my birthday I opened a card from my stepmother and was delighted to discover five small photographs that instantly transported me down memory lane – they were family shots of me with my brothers and sisters. Thank you Lorna, for the beautiful surprise and for the inspiration for this exercise:
- Choose 5 people who are significant in your life.
- Go through your photographs (yes, those ones probably hidden away in albums or shoe boxes!).
- Choose 5 or 6 photographs that best represent / reflect the time you have shared together.
- Slip them into a card and include a simple message – perhaps “I was thinking of you and found these…” (A picture is worth a thousand words!)
- Pop them in the post and imagine the moment of surprise and delight when your friend opens the card.
Exercise 3: Stay connected and create new memories!
Staying connected to our friends requires a commitment of time and energy. But savvy friends are worth the effort!
- On a piece of paper write a list of your savvy friends.
- Next to each name write down what circumstances make it difficult for you to stay connected: work commitments, family responsibilities, illness, money, distance etc.
- Next to each of these challenges or problems brainstorm 3 – 5 possible solutions to overcome them – if you are struggling, ask a friend for help!
The Friendship Page has some more suggestions:
- Buy your friend a ticket to the theatre or movie so you can enjoy a great show together.
- Invite your closest buddies over for a sleep over! Rent some movies, bring some popcorn and chocolate, take your blankets outside and watch the stars.
- Plan a special day with your best friend or friendship group. A picnic, an activity such as bowling, golf, roller-blading or cricket, or head to the beach.
- Buy or make your friend a small present – flowers, chocolates, a cake, a friendship journal…
What does friendship mean to you? And how do you build and nurture healthy friendships? Share your thoughts and suggestions in the comments…
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Hi Jo, I do not believe that people need others to ‘complete’ them. After exiting a very bad ‘relationship’, I will admit to being “damaged goods” emotionally, my self-esteem/confidence completely shattered. I went to counselling a couple of times, and things were put into perspective for me, and in the following years, I have regained my true self, more confident and self-assured than ever before. My current wife went through the same thing, only worse. Separately, we are complete/whole people – we do not need each in a way that suggests we cannot function without each other…we are better individually, but awesome as a couple.
I agree with you that we do not need others to complete us. In the post
Does asking ‘Who completes me?’ mean you’re incomplete? I explored this
http://livingsavvy.com.au/who-competes-me. When we are living savvy we don’t beleive that any of us are lacking and incomplete in ourselves. It is about having people in our lives that do not drain us or hold us back but who share our vision and encourage us to be true to who we are. Just like you and your wife, 2 fabulous individuals who when combined become an awesome force.
this is just a general comment, so here goes…
I am in my early 40′s, very happily married for the last 11yrs etc. We are essentially very happy and love spending out of work hours together, as we’re the only ones who ‘get’ each other, if you know what I mean. We are both employed full-time in government positions, so we come across a fair amount of people during our day.
We literally have no firends whatsoever! We have found that if we’re not chasing/following-up our ‘friends’ all the time, the friendship withers and dies…without a word from the other party! We find ourselves always doing the ‘chasing-up’ – it doesn’t seem to be an equal amount of interest in nuturing/maintaining the firendship. We have found that people claim to be our friends, when really they were only ‘friends’ for as long as they could get something out of us – using us bascially. Nobody wants to be friends without there being an ulterior motive involved, so now we’re suspicious of new potential friends.
Sounds like you are your husband complete each other at this stage of your lives together. I have heard so many different stories around friendships, those that are created, lost and re-discovered. There are many ways that we can experience friendships. I agree with you that you can spend a significant amount of time investing into friendships, over the years I have become very comfortable in knowing which friends I am happy to invest a lot in and those where I will make an occasional deposit. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story with us at Living Savvy.