A weekly tradition where we pop the cork on the week that was, celebrate what worked, reflect on what didn’t, and look forward to a sparkling new week of possibility. I hope you’ll join me and share your reflections in the comments.
A momentous decision
This week I made a momentous decision – I have deferred my PhD studies until next year. As I shared a couple of weeks back:
In the early hours of the mornings I have been questioning if the time is right for this project. It is not the lack of time that I find the biggest challenge although that is a concern, the biggest barrier I need to overcome is my lack of brain space to give this project the in-depth consideration it requires…crowding out this project is the ongoing energy and planning into realising my vision of creating a movement of women who are living savvy, earning an income, creating & producing new video content.
A PhD requires space to ponder, to wonder, to read widely, think deeply and analyse critically, and then to succinctly capture my conclusions in an academic language that has become foreign to me in the decade I have been away from post graduate studies.
The focus of my research is the stories of young men playing in the Brisbane Broncos under 21 team, living a life highly engaged in rugby league. How does this shape their identity, impact on their perfromance and contribute to their life satisfaction? The irony of researching a what it is it like to be passionately engaged in something special while my attention and focus is stretched so wide is not lost on me.
What am I celebrating?
Clare, my PhD supervisor reminded me to celebrate making this decision. I don’t know if I am quite at this point. However what I am doing is enjoying the moments that are now available to me. This week these included:
- a relaxing and spontaneous Sunday afternoon tea with Cat and her family
- the last day of school holidays spent with Miss 6, with no worrying about to-do lists
- re-discovering the joys of long conversations on Tuesday
- an afternoon cuppa with Kay on Wednesday
- lunch with another friend, Tracey, on Thursday where she shared stories of her trip to Croatia and I lived an overseas adventure vicariously!
What am I acknowledging?
The significance of this decision for me. I do not like to walk away from a commitment and my personal history shows that I tend to hang in relationships, friendships and projects long after I should have walked away. I acknowledge my efforts in facing my fears of admitting that something is not working, letting people down and being perceived as a failure.
How quickly my children are growing. This was a huge factor in my decision. I have Miss 6 and Mr Nearly 5. This is a fabulous age (I loved them when they were babies – but I much more prefer to spend time with them now). I don’t want to look back and think that I missed the next few years because I was tapping away at my computer or when I was with them I was worrying about the to-do list waiting for me back home.
The support of Andrew who, as usual, stood quietly and waited (and waited, and waited) for me to make my decision. His only comment was to place his hand on my shoulder and say, “about time, you should’ve done it 2 years ago”.
What small change can I make for next week?
My goals is a life that is full and filling (fulfilling) but not overloaded, busy and stressed (living life like this is not good for me or my family). I struggle to get the balance right. I don’t do idle well, I find it difficult to sit still and I become jumpy if I don’t have a plan for the day or know what is to happen next.
For the next few weeks I need to be aware of not rushing to fill the space (void) created by putting aside my PhD – either with another project or by “wasting” the time on purposeless tasks. This week my focus is to either allow the space to just be, or to fill the time with actions that will move me closer to achieving the plans and dreams I have for Living Savvy.
Ready to pop the cork with me? I’d love to hear about your week in the comments…
Image by nImAdestiny
Related posts:
