The 5 steps to living savvy are: Ask, Do, Discover, Commit & Celebrate. The Savvy Web Wrap is definitely part of the Discover step – I love connecting with information that shines a light on how we live and what’s important to us, looking into the experience of others and gaining a deeper insight into my own life.
I know it. You know it. We really don’t like to ask for help.
This week I’ve gathered a few thoughts from some savvy ladies on why we don’t ask for help, what not asking for help costs us, and how asking for help can actually be an amazing act of generosity.
A friggin’ revolutionary idea: Ask for help
That’s the title of a post from our own living savvy editor Rebecca Leigh.
She asks why, after proving to herself again and again that asking for help product amazing results, she still has such difficulty doing it, and concludes:
Because, of course, I’m still running those stories…
That I should work things out for myself because getting help is somehow the ‘lazy’ way out.
That asking someone for their advice is burdensome, bothersome, even rude.
That people would think I’m stupid, needy or presumptuous – all terrible things.And, to be honest, the stories are so well run-in that it doesn’t even occur to me that asking for help is an option. When someone asks me, ‘How can I help you?’ my mind goes blank.
She finishes her post with a cracker line – but you can read that for yourself at her site smartfreshwriting.com.
Breaking down the myth of the perfect woman
Rebecca Sparrow comes to a similar conclusion in her Sunday Mail column from earlier this year, as she ponders why she didn’t accept the numerous offers of help she received while going through that most stressful of events – moving house.
I think sometimes as women we’re really, really, really good at offering help and pretty terrible at accepting it ourselves.
Clinical psychologist Dr Clare Rosoman agrees.
“These days women put a lot of pressure on themselves to excel in all areas of their lives: from motherhood to career to paper-mache making. This creates an expectation that they should be able to handle everything and that asking for help indicates weakness or even failure…
Asking for help is the healthiest way of managing stress and the best, most hands-on way to break down the myth of the perfect woman. Every time a woman asks for help she strengthens the relationship with the person reached out to and she presents a more realistic, healthy image of how women really are.”
It can be selfless to be selfish, and you can be generous by taking.
Finally, Happiness Project’s Gretchen Rubin offers a different perspective of asking for help:
Asking for a favor is a sign of intimacy and trust… Studies show that for happiness, providing support is just as important as getting support. By offering people a way to provide support, you generate good feelings in them.
This reminded me of something I had heard Tracey Bevan talk about when sharing her story of helping friend Jane McGrath battle breast cancer.
Tracey spoke about when Jane called her after surgery and said, “I don’t want to put you on the spot, but I really need you. I need someone to help me bathe and do what I need to do and I don’t want that to be anyone but you.”
Not only was Tracey happy to do it, she said, “Thank you for asking me. Thank you for letting me do this for you.”
She said the following week (which, though they didn’t realise at the time, would be one of the last few weeks of Jane’s life) was one of the happiest she and her friend had shared as they remembered all the hijinks they’d got up to in better times.
In asking for help, Jane had given Tracy an amazing gift, of friendship and intimacy and trust.
It certainly gave me something to think about.
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